I Didn’t Know

blue twigs

I Didn’t Know

I didn’t know, I just listened
Only to the world
That swallowed me whole
I didn’t know, how to think
Only to believe
In what could be seen

But even what I saw
Were all allusions
Glittering delusions
Filled with confusion
That drowned me
To the abysmal sea
Where I couldn’t breathe

I didn’t know, I just listened
I followed fear
It pulled me to the night
It kept me caged for a decade of my life
I found comfort in the trinkets
In the glossy lies
They occupied my mind
As I found myself within their tide

I didn’t know
I didn’t know
What I was doing
Where I was choosing
To go
I almost gave up my soul
But in time, I saw His light
And reclaimed my life

©2018 CAB

Let It Go

flower

Let It Go

No one’s ever going to say
Why did you do this
Should have done that
No one who’s sane is ever going to say
What you did was a bad mistake

So try
Stop holding the chains
That you have all your life
Let it go
And watch yourself grow

No one’s ever going to say
That was not good
Should have turned back
When you surely could
No one who’s sane is ever going to say
What you did was a bad mistake

So try
Embrace the change that’s a part of life
Let your past thoughts go
And all the things that wouldn’t allow you to grow
Let it go

Let it go

Let it go

©2018 C.A. Barnes

Change/An Update

SummerBack1.2

I was told, change is good
So to avoid it, I never should
I was told, change is inevitable
It is the only way to truly grow
So change, I will say
I’m letting go of the past, yesterday
So change, come my way
I will welcome what is to be
In future days
No change, I won’t fear
No change, I won’t shed a tear
Cause change is what we must eventually face
In order to see a better day…

It’s been very long since I posted an update on myself or anything related to my writing goals. If you read my author bio, one thing you will know is that I’m a writer who wants to be a published author.

For some time—a few years, I’ve stalled in achieving that goal. I guess working and paying debts became an unfortunate distraction. However, in my dissatisfaction with life, and realizing I was never going to be content spending most of my time away from writing, my dream was renewed. I started following writers and indie authors, reading their stories and discovering how they were able to get back to doing what mattered to them—writing.

So in the past year, I jumped back into my writing. I’ve attended conferences, joined a writer’s group, read more about the industry from self publishing to traditional publishing, and many other things. I decided I was going to pursue a career as a hybrid author, self publishing and traditional publishing. Currently, I’m working on an author’s website.

My author’s website will primarily focus on my stories, the novels I seek to share, but also valuable and helpful information for writers wanting to be authors. That will include recommendations for book cover designers and book formatters, different types of editors and determining which one is best for your story, why I believe every writer should self publish even if they seek traditional publishing, and more.

What will happen to this blog?

Nothing! I will still post my poetry and book reviews, as well as updates and other relevant information. But if you’re interested in learning more about my stories, I will have an author website up in the coming months, which I will announce here in a future post.

Thank you all for your support and sticking around. I look forward to sharing my work with you, hopefully, inspiring you to press forward with your goals and dreams as well ☺

I Can See

flowerp
I Can See

I can see
A bright light in this world
It’s right in front of me
I now know
Stories told long ago
Were not fables or lies
But truths that refused to die

I am the one
Who now can see
I am the one
Who’s free to dream
I am the one
Who’s no longer scared
I am the one
Who will do it, I dare

I can feel
A warm gentle breeze
Wash over me
I feel it, in the night
In the chill of wintertime
What once I thought of as dread
I only see its beauty
All that it has to offer instead

Cause I am the one
Who now can see
I am the one
Who’s free to dream
I am the one
Who’s no longer scared
I am the one
Who will do it, I dare

I will take all the years of fear
Hiding behind a facade
Drowning in tears
I will take it all
And throw it away
I will choose to live a dream
I will dare to be brave

Cause I am the one
Who now can see
I am the one
Who believes
I am the one
I am the one
I am the one
My story’s not done
It’s just begun…

©2018 C.A. Barens

Happy

Sketch Sky

Happy

She says,

Are you happy
Why are you happy
Are you pretending
Are you fake
You can’t be happy
No one’s that happy
No one’s life
Is ever that great

I say,

Go away
Sappy soul
Go away
Don’t come back
Until you’re whole
My happiness
Lives in me
It’s who I am
It’s what I believe

Though for now I sit on mountains
Caving in
I walk in valleys
Bitter with the wind
There are no friends
Rounding at my door
No treasure chests
Covering up my floor
The happiness in me
Allows me to keep fighting
And I’ll keep trying
Until I soar

So of course, sappy soul
I’m so happy, so much I can’t be more
Maybe if you left your lie of reality
Then you could be free
To feel as happy as me
Even when life takes you down
To the deep blue sea

©2018 C.A. Barnes

Together

angel sketch

Together

Let’s take it all
The burden of years under the cloak of night
Let’s take them all
And throw them into the fire
Then we’ll walk into the light

Let’s gather the storms
Let’s gather the stones
The sticks and thorns
All the things they said
Would break our bones

We’ll throw them away
Then have a party, celebrate
The end of days
That we’ll never live again

Together
We will leave behind
All that things that burdened
Our minds
The past will no longer matter
Cause together we’ll see it’s end
The end of broken dreams
And low self-esteem
And discover a long forgotten friend
The was buried deep in you and me

©2018 C.A. Barnes

Relentless

blue twigs

Relentless

If all it took was one more day
Would it give you the strength
To try again
If all that was needed
Was a minute more
Would you stand in the bitter rain
Deal with the wind and stinging pain
Wait for that open door

Why can’t you believe like this
Why can’t you see things like that
Why can’t you be just a little fearless
Why can’t you live relentless

If all it took was another night
Would you fight
To change your life
If all that was asked
Was to be brave
You can’t lose now
Someone has paved the way
For you, the only thing left to do
Is to choose if you want to win or lose

Why can’t you believe like this
Why can’t you see things like that
Why can’t you be just a little fearless
Why can’t you live relentless

Why can’t we see
That we were created
Created, created, created
To be, to do anything
If we believe this
We can be relentless

©2018 C.A. Barnes

No More

sa-wc-paper-SILVER

No More

I let them go
No more
I don’t know
No more
Maybe far away
They’re out there
Calling my name
Begging for some answer
Why they couldn’t stay
No more

I let them go
No more
And yes I do know
The time had finally come
To take the past
And let it be done
There is something out there
For me
So I had to let them go
So I could see
Who I truly am
When I’m stripped of everything

No more
They had to go
No more
No more
No more

©2018 C.A. Barnes

He’s Lost

watercolor ropes

He’s Lost

He’s lost, he’s lost
He doesn’t know the seeds he sows
He thinks he’s fine, he thinks he’s right
But he doesn’t know
He lives in the night

Oh what’s it going to take
Oh what’s got to be lost
Oh what’s got to go
Before he can flee
Before he can grow

He’s lost, he’s so lost
A victim of his world, which into he has bought
He knows not what he do
He thinks in the end, he’ll win
But he’s setting himself up to lose

Oh if I could reach him now
Oh if I could do it somehow
Make him want to hear
Make him want to see
The reality, waiting to be
If he doesn’t flee
If he doesn’t flee
Oh if he doesn’t flee
He’ll never be free

©2017 C.A. Barnes