I Stopped

flowerp

I Stopped

I stopped looking
I stopped searching
I stopped wandering
I stopped

I stopping fighting
I stopping trying
I stopped tiring
I stopped

I took a moment to breathe
A moment to be
To escape
To getaway
I spent some time alone with myself
I stopped asking others for help
Because they couldn’t save
Me

I stopped looking
I stopped searching
I stopped wandering
I stopped

I stopped fighting
I stopped trying
I stopped tiring
I stopped

I took some time just to think
Of where I wanted to go
Of what I wanted to know
Most importantly,
How I wanted to grow
And I eventually set myself
Free

I stopped wandering
I stopped tiring
I stopped.

© 2017 C. A. Barnes

Rise

bird sketch

Rise

I was not looking to be at your side
I was just looking for a place to hide
When the winter comes, I will rise

Down this road for so long I’ve known
I’ve given up searching for a home
Where the grass is green like jewels
It almost glows

Year after year, I’ve lived the same old way
Surrounded by lies that constantly say
No, no, it won’t do
No, no, what you once thought isn’t true
No, no, let it go, give it up
No, no, what you do, will never be enough

Go home, is what I wanted to say
Just go home, I’m not suppose to be here anyways
Go, I close my eyes
I block my ears
Go, I won’t give in to my fears
Goodbye road, goodbye years
Living the same old way
Down the road I’ve only ever known

I was not looking to be at your side
I was just a coward, looking for a place to hide
And now my time is running dry
When winter comes, that is when I’ll rise

©2017 C.A. Barnes

Go Your Own Way

Vintage Dots

Go Your Own Way

Don’t force to stay
To play their game
Have strength
And leave them behind

You can’t change their mind
They won’t stand behind
You, no way
So leave them today

And choose to be
Completely free
No more pretending
No more befriending
Foes of yesterday

It’s over now
Be you, you must somehow
Don’t listen to what they say
Just go your own way

Don’t try to prove
Your worth in their shoes
They don’t care what you say
So go your own way

And choose to be
Completely free
No more pretending
No more befriending
Foes of yesterday

Live at last
No longer a slave to the past
Live in truth
Be the one with nothing more to prove
Just go your own way
Go your own way
Life is short
Don’t delay
Go your own way

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

I Let Her Go

 

doll1

I Let Her Go

I always held on tightly to her
She made me believe I could be anything
I always searched for more of her
She made me think that I was everything
No she made me feel lucky
But sometimes a little bit ugly
In holding on to so much of her
Perhaps on day, I could be what she was
Just because
I knew her so well

I never thought I would tell her goodbye
I thought our childish bond was for a lifetime
I knew I was getting too old
To keep tying her to my identity
Declaring it so bold
Refusing my reality
Refusing the world I now lived in
She could no longer be a refuge for me

Still I couldn’t let go
So I delayed my life, so I could hold
Just a bit of joy that I always had
Even in a world diseased and mad
Just a bit of my dreams that I always knew
Even in a world that left me nothing good
I would hold on to her
Until I no longer could

Now I let her go
I had to let her go
I had to walk away
From the past, my childish days
I had to grow
I had to go
I had to let her go

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

Unordinary Being

Rock Face 2

Unordinary Being

This old life
It could never
It never satisfied
Perfect world
It was something
Something I could never hold

I want to go
I need to go home
Let me be this rare
Unordinary being
Sure I won’t fit in with this world
But at least I’ll have joy being
A simply weird girl

Soon I know
Life will lead me
To some other
Simply weird beings
Who learned in time to say
Good bye
To their old life
That never satisfied
To trying to create a perfect world
Which was something they could never hold

I want to go
I need to go home
Let me be this rare
Unordinary being
Sure I won’t fit in with this world
But at least I’ll have joy being
A simply weird girl

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

Where I’m Supposed To Be

bird sketch

Where I’m Supposed To Be

I am supposed to be
I was meant to be
No I do believe
That everything is here

I have to hold on
I have to stand tall
Even if I can’t move
I have to stay
I have to prove

That I am supposed to be
I was meant to be
Yes I do believe
That everything is here

I know one day I’ll see
My efforts reward me
When others flew on by
I held on with all my might

Before I wandered high
Before I wandered low
When others called it quits
I told myself oh no

Before I thought I should go
But I couldn’t move, so
I had to just hold on
To prove that I was strong

Soon others said I failed
But I didn’t listen
I would prevail
Soon others said just move
Stop stagnating
Stop being use…
Less
Less

Less.

Oh but no I am not
I am surely blessed
Soon I will move
When my Lord so does choose
To
Move
Me

I am where I’m supposed to be…

©2017 C.A. Barnes

I Will Not Run Away

flowerp

I Will Not Run Away

I’ve watched the sky in all its sorrow

Dressed in their darkest grey

With no signs of tomorrow
I’ve felt their cool drops land on me
They weren’t enough to give me
Any bit of relief

I know I’ve let you down
You’ve watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

Years passed like the moon and sun
Eventually I found the courage
To face the world
Knowing there was something to be won
Although doubt sometimes sneaked up on me
I knew soon I would claim victory

I know I’ve let you down
You’ve watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

Time will bring us together again
This time around triumph will be the end
I won’t give up
I won’t look the other way
I’m saying this now, today
I will not run away…

I know I’ve let you down
You watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

© 2015, 2017 C.A. Barnes

The Light

Sketch Sky

The Light

She can speak
But I don’t listen
She can say
What satisfies her mind
But she wastes
Her time
Cause I don’t listen

She can call
But I don’t come
She can shout
But I am leaving
Without
Her

Try, my little daughter
Try, my little friend
Try with all your might
Make it to the end
Don’t stop when monsters creep
Don’t hide and hope they’ll sleep
Cause you don’t have much time
So go and search for the light

She can scare
But I don’t care
She can fight
To keep me behind
But she fools
Herself
Cause I don’t care

She can lie
But I don’t believe
She can try
To brainwash me
But I’m gone
I’m moving
On

Try, my little daughter
Try, my little friend
Try with all your might
Make it to the end
Don’t stop when monsters creep
Don’t hide and hope they’ll sleep
Cause you don’t have much time
So go and search for the light

I must try
To find my light
I must fight
Day and night
I must leave
My old life behind
Soon I’ll be saying
Goodbye…

©2017 C.A. Barnes

I Am The Girl Who Now Can See

Rocks or Light

I Am The Girl Who Now Can See

I once was lost, but now I’m found
I was wandering, in a strange town
I didn’t know, which way to go
When I thought I was right
I was quickly told no

I was alone
In my cold world
Seeking joy and peace
Seeking purpose and me
And when the days passed more
I still saw no open doors
Who was I
I was only a lie

I once was sad, but now I’m glad
Glad I held on
To learn that I am strong
When failure clung, tightly to me
I didn’t fall down
I held my ground

I was ready to flee
From my old world
I needed to try
To set myself free
There was no time to waste
It was now getting late
I needed to try
I needed to try

I am the girl who now can see
I am the girl who now is free
I am the girl who now can see
I am the girl who now can see
I am the girl who now can see

©2016 C.A. Barnes

Break Free

Sketch Sky

Break Free

I’m gonna break free
Head out on my own journey
Where I can be me
I’m leaving it all behind
This old world that once caged me
Where I was surrounded by lies
Saying,
This is how things have to be

I already have
One food out of the door
As the days go by
I’m inching out more and more
There’s nothing I want
Here you see
It’s time to hit the road
It’s time to be free

I’m gonna break free
Head out on my own journey
Where I can stand
As I’m supposed to be
And leave behind a world
That sold me lies and
Tried to imprison me

They can’t get me now
I’m already out
My time is now mine
And I’ve realized
There’s nothing I want
Here you see
It’s time to hit the road
It’s time to be free

©2016 C.A. Barnes